Prevent Anxiety of the Unhealthy Kind By Learning Skills

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You child may feel anxiety when learning a new skill! So how do you prevent anxiety of the unhealthy kind rather than the sort we all feel from time to time when something is new?

The difference here – from my experience in the therapy room and as a parent – is that there’s a difference between

  • normal anxiety at wanting to get something right and
  • over-anxiety about situations and procedures because you don’t have the skills to deal with them.

Let’s face it – adults who are law-abiding citizens are going to feel anxious if required to attend court (as I had to recently). Or maybe driving somewhere they’ve never been and wondering if they can manage without misreading the sat-nav or failing to follow the signs on a multi-lane road! 

We’re not trying to prevent anxiety of that kind – without it, we would probably not be prepared and concentrating. Some adrenalin is necessary for living safely!

So – let’s look at how learning skills can help your child prevent anxiety of the less-healthy kind.

The role of parental help to prevent anxiety

We all know that at times we've stepped in and “helped” our child do something simply because of 

  • time pressure or 
  • a desire to stop them feeling failures.

Yes, they need that from us too. But mostly, parental "help" of the intervening kind in learning a task is well-meant but not so good!

This is why.

When we step in, your child only half-learns a task (not a very useful asset!) and also learns we will rescue them when they know deep inside they could have persevered and learnt!

Their failure to learn a skill thoroughly then leads to lack of confidence in their ability and a sense of low-self-esteem when they see their competent peers can do it with ease.

S0 – what’s best to prevent anxiety? A combination of patient watching, waiting, showing again, and praise at their stickability through the stages till they finally gain that particular process skill.

Learn one skill thoroughly: you prevent anxiety in a limited way

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Memory can be termed procedural or “process memory” when learning to carry out a task.

So, for instance, when your child has learnt to ride a bike without stabilisers or get their school jumper turned the right way out quickly, they have one process memory they can be proud of. 

This leads to not only the knowledge of how to do the task, but also to confidence and pride. And they never forget the skill.

This is fine – as far as it goes. Now let's think in multiples!

What about gathering up several process skills: how does this prevent anxiety of the unwanted kind?

If your child learns many process skills in different areas – admittedly one at a time as they grow older – they amass a variety of kinds of process skills such as:

  • organisational ones
  • dexterity-based ones
  • social ones and
  • academic procedures.

What might some examples be?

Maybe (in the same order): getting homework done on time, tying a bow on a gift, making small talk with visitors, long division in Maths.

I love meeting a child who is expert in everything football, or who knows every last flag of the world. And this is good in a different way. But to prevent anxiety in a variety of situations in life, they also need to have acquired a variety of process skills.

The reason? They can draw on them at will. Let’s see the results of that kind of multi-skill learning.

Anxiety prevention as a result of learning many process skills in different areas

As I said, we don’t really forget process skills. They come back at the drop of a hat even if they’d got a bit rusty through disuse.

So learning a wide variety of skills means you add to your long-term memory processes, not only the skills but also methods and knowledge that were learnt alongside the specific skill.

What do I mean? Here’s an example.

You learn the skill of tying a bow (ye gods, this is a hard one for everyone!). However, you can now tie a bow – that’s the skill.

But you also now have the knowledge of how different materials and widths or shapes of material handle while tying a bow. You can do it with shoelace, crepe paper, silky ribbon, garden string and  anything else that needs a bow! And you’ve learnt a method for managing these very different occasions.

Now let’s apply that to being less unhealthily anxious in new situations.

With an arsenal of skills rather than just one or two, your child has a huge resource to draw upon when faced with a challenge.

  • They know they can find a way through with something they already know.
  • They have the self-confidence to innovate or improvise if need be.
  • And their innate survival anxiety will not be triggered often.

How does this end up?

You'll find your child has gathered sufficient skills over time to 

  • avoid meltdowns in new situations,
  • have only normal levels of anxiety (as everyone does in life),
  • develop a “let’s try this” mentality, and
  • grow up as a positive and hopeful human being.

Does this encourage us all to not step in too soon to rescue a child who is struggling to accomplish a task?

Obviously, there are times to do that. But many more times to NOT.

Bearing in mind the long-term outcome and wanting to prevent anxiety of the unhealthy sort, watching, waiting and supporting a child to learn many skills seems really worth it. Give it a go?

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