Is Home Schooling Right for Your Anxious Child?

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When your child suddenly starts to resist going to school, your first thought can be “What if I kept them at home to learn?” This makes sense. Your child is happy at home and you want them to be free of anxiety and fear so they learn everything they need in order to grow up healthy and functional. Home schooling can seem a great option.

Or – maybe you’ve been through all the possible ways of helping your child fit into a system they simply don’t fit in, talked to the teachers, helped them make friends – and still they scream and refuse to go. Home schooling rears its head again.

You wouldn't be alone. In 2023, apparently 140,000 children in the UK were "severely absent" from school – phrased according to how they record absences. Not only does that equate to 50% of lessons missed (to end up in that category), but also a rise fo 134% from when the pandemic hit.

Most of these new absences are not because the parent hasn't tried but because the child has a serious problem with school. That's a reason to consider home education – because learning matters most, however your child can manage it. And these years between 5 and 12 matter a lot for future opportunities.

So – let's take a look at the considerations involved when you take a child out of school or don't send them in the first place.

Home schooling is a possibility – should you take it?

It’s a perfectly legal option in the UK, and you’re right to try and sort out school attendance first and then say enough is enough. Maybe the bullying hasn't been eliminated. Or they have separation anxiety. Your child deserves to learn in whatever way serves them best, free from anxiety and fear.

But there are a number of considerations before you launch into home schooling – and I’ve been there, done that in terms of taking children out of school. So I’m going to list a few of the considerations here to help you think about the reality. 

But don’t take that the wrong way. I’m in favour of home schooling when it’s best for a child.

And I’ve also taught in schools and loved it when children can be inspired to learn – and I’ve also noted the rapid deterioration of classroom behaviour and culture over the last couple of decades.

It’s not surprising parents are thinking of home schooling! But consider the following points so you can make the best decision for your child!

Five points to consider before starting home schooling

1 Do you or your partner have the free time to give your child?

They need attention whatever kind of home schooling you imagine providing.

It needs one of you to be free. It needs one of you to be clear about all the things you know a child should learn by whatever means you count “learning”. Teaching or osmosis – you need to guide and protect, nurture and provide opportunities. It’s a hands-on job.

While they’re occupied doing something, you can do a household chore, of course. But your child will have to come first. WFH doesn’t quite cut it for home schooling if the parent at home is also working.

2 What and how are you wanting your child to learn? 

Are you against subjects and topics as such? Wanting to give them freedom to learn whatever they fancy? Are you wanting them to pass exams eventually – or at least the basic exams?

The reason I ask is this: the inspector will visit. They’ll likely ask for a timetable, and you will need to answer for why you don’t have one (or do) and how you are ensuring your child learns appropriately for their age and ability.

You can of course say you do not want a timetable because it stifles learning if a child gets involved in a topic, for example, and wants to continue. You can also point out the range of subjects you’ll cover even without a timetable. This covers all points!

Or – you can justify your decision to impose no restrictions on your child’s learning from 5-12. You could show how they have become proficient at eg Maths and English just by living with you and doing the things your family does.

Either way, you'll need answers for how you envisage your child learning to satisfy the inspectorate. Just be prepared.

3 Do you have the resources to home school well?

Your child will need books at their level, devices, equipment, swimming pool access, cultural events and more. Books are for leisure reading, information, more formal exercises maybe, or simply to give you ideas that might help you home school. All this costs money!

It’s surprising – granted the finances of the education system in the UK – just how many resources a school does provide for your child. And suddenly you realise you’re on your own in that respect.

Remember, at ages 6-12, a child is growing apart from a parent and looking to peers and teachers as authorities to take note of. So making sure there are resources of all kinds is essential as your child progresses from year to year at home. Let them imbibe many views from many resources, openly and without bias.

4 What about socialising with friends?

Funnily enough,  if your child does have friends, when they’re not together all the time they get on far better! They have different things to talk about, share and do.

You'll have to make sure the “school” group doesn’t become a clique that ignores your child after school – but that’s where play dates and outings come into their own. Just keep an eye on their need to learn to relate and give and take.

And join outside events or clubs where children can relate to each other.

If you keep two children at home, this can happen more naturally. But home schooling then has to be the best solution for both. And that’s not often how it comes about. You may have one child who simply loves school and can’t wait to get there!

5 What is your time scale?

Is this a temporary measure while your child becomes more resilient and confident? While they overcome some trauma? Or is it a plan for a few years? 

The point is: if it’s temporary, you need to consider how your child will integrate in the classroom on return to school. This limits your choices as to what you tell the inspector you’ll be doing for home schooling! They will want you to keep to topics from the National Curriculum. And maybe that wasn’t what you intended! 

And to integrate into secondary school, if that's your plan, they will need to show certain achievements. Just bear that in mind if it’s a short home-schooling time scale you have in mind.

When home schooling seems the best option for your anxious child

That’s a lot of points above to take into account! But obviously, your child’s mental wellness comes first. An anxious, frightened child cannot learn because their thinking brain is cut off.

You will not be alone as a home-schooling parent, however: Last year, according to the Government, over 86,000 children were in elective home schooling. So there are organisations around the country where parents can share information and tips.

In addition there are many positives even for a short period of home schooling.

For example, at home your child will have these benefits that are a strong draw right away:

  • freedom to learn in whatever way suits their learning style
  • ability to focus on their interests and learn important stuff via that interest or hobby
  • a calm, peaceful atmosphere so their brain can work properly
  • freedom to follow new ideas as they emerge, wherever they lead
  • individualised help with anything they find hard to learn
  • lots of free time because there’s only them: classrooms wait for all children to finish, while bright ones waste time!
  • a regular sense of achievement in their growing skills, whatever their level of learning – no permanent comparisons to those always “super bright” kids!

Another option: flexi-schooling

Finding the Flex is a group founded by Sarah Sudea – and it is about having a hybrid arrangement where your child has permission to be at home on certain days in the week.

They have to be doing something that is seen as "suitable education" but that doesn't mean following a curriculum. Many things are valuable and educative – and also help to take the pressure off your child.

If your child is really unhappy at school or unhappy about a certain aspect, this gives you time to address the problem and allow your child some breathing space.

The aim is still that one day they may attend full time. But it acknowledges their health matters more. The arrangement with the school may be reviewed every few weeks.

Flexischooling Families UK is their Facebook group if you might be interested in this hybrid approach. And you should talk to your school's head teacher about the possibility if it sounds like a good solution for your child. It's legal!

The upshot about home schooling and anxiety

Your child’s mental health and wellbeing really matter. So even while you home school, you'll want to help them learn how to deal with anxiety and anxiety-provoking situations because real life revolves round uncertainty! 

And you can definitely use the need for home schooling at this time as an opportunity to help them become resourceful and resilient. You can simply weave it into the daily schedule! Give it a go?

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