How to Help Your Child CLANG for Mental Health

I felt this was summed up in the mum and child dancing, looking at each other and having fun together.

How many times have you seen a parent pushing a pushchair, child facing away from the parent and the parent often on the phone?

I squirm at the thought of missed chances to connect.

But of course you can help your child connect with so many other people in so many other ways, including:

• Emailing an auntie
• Saying hello to the person at the supermarket till to make their day
• Inviting a playmate for a picnic
• Helping them learn to ask to help when you’re in someone else’s home.

It depends on your child’s age, of course, but connection is what’s missing when children sink into anxiety and depression. Connection keeps social relationships foremost and this answers our basic human need to feel we belong.

This image is a bit fanciful, but taking a magnifying glass to a tortoise while Dad takes an interest in what his son discovers – well, isn’t that how we encourage and validate our children’s curiosity?

It’s proven that when you take an interest in something your child does, they feel it’s worthwhile and continue much longer and concentrate harder due to your interest.

It has to be genuine of course!

And that’s one good reason to start a new joint hobby. It’s much easier to be genuine. Plus you start from scratch together and your child’s learning is not overshadowed by your own rich knowledge.

If you can keep your child curious and involved in learning about the world around them, you’ve improved their chances of growing up mentally healthy.

Or try helping them learn something like:

• A new word each day – have fun as you both actually use it!
• How to do a simple sudoku or word puzzle
• How to do the next thing they need to learn developmentally
• A new song/nursery rhyme/limerick etc
• A range of natural-world things, like flowers, trees, moon phases, birds etc

There’s not many children who can jump that high! But it conveys “active” perfectly.

I’m always amazed when I hear how far my grandsons have walked uncomplainingly. Maybe we did well with their dad and the camping trips we forced on them! But certainly

• football,
• running,
• cycling, 
• even miniature golf...

...all are better than sitting for yet one more hour over a device, however active their fingers are!

Thing is, active fingers don’t ward off depression and anxiety in the same way fresh air, exercise and endorphins do!

Walking to school hasn’t entirely caught on these days, but weekend exploring of some park or a local attraction – even that is active and beneficial.

If nothing else, try a family ritual of the mad countdown to add a bit of instant movement. It's: 

• A great anxiety-remover.
• A way of dealing with stress.
• A bit of mad fun together.
• Some thing that helps build family rituals!

You can turn noticing things into a game. Here we have Mum noticing his badge saying 1st – what did he get that for? And the child comments on her shiny new red ribbon. Has she been out shopping?

It’s a tiny bit like mindfulness in the sense that you bring your child’s focus to what is happening right now.

Anxiety is always future-focused. So learning how to keep their thoughts under control in the present is a great way to deal with anxiety.

Notice everything happening in the present. Encourage “wait and see” for the future.

Try helping them be "notice-ful" by playing games like

• hide the thimble,
• naming red things in the room with eyes shut after a 30-second look-around,
• remembering what was on a tray of 15 objects (called Kim’s game) once it’s covered up again after one minute. You can adjust it for younger children by simply removing one object in secret and they guess which one is missing.
• noticing expressions they see when out and about, and later working out what the person might have been feeling or thinking.

Noticing means they enjoy the moment more. Besides, you only have this moment – nothing else is guaranteed. Though I’m not suggesting you scare your child with that thought!

Helping an elderly neighbour!!

Research for encouraging happiness has shown that doing something kind for someone once a week for six weeks increased a sense of wellbeing.

That was adults. You could try it out on your child, using a chart together to record what they do, and see if the theory holds. 

Tell your child it’s an experiment and get them on board! See if they feel they're proud of their efforts and are happy about them.

Give CLANG a go?