How to Assess Child Anxiety: What is Normal?

blog46 assess child anxiety

We care so much about our children’s happiness that you're probably found it hard to assess child anxiety levels when something seems to have gone wrong with your child.

Since the pandemic, it’s become much more frequent to find all kinds of normal anxiety parcelled up with the headline “Rising Mental Health Concerns in Children” – when the truth is, some of this is completely normal. Other bits are, admittedly, caused by the bizarre happenings that forced us all to 

  • stay at home, 
  • fear for our survival, and 
  • forego socialising that might have offset the fears.

However, some anxiety is welcome!

Healthy anxiety can lead to caution, alertness and sufficient energising to keep your child safe, face a challenge, grieve naturally, or manage a goal despite a level of pressure.

The problem is that it's easy to equate this normal anxiety, grief and stress with a mental health disorder. Three-quarters of parents with school age children asked for help for them in 2021-22. Despite the symptoms, many of those would not have had the severe illnesses that need to use up our inadequate resources in the UK. It's good, therefore, to know what's normal and what might be veering out of control and need those resources most.

So let’s look at a few examples of worries and decide what's normal and even good about them, so you can remind yourself of this when you want to assess child anxiety levels over a specific worry you have about your child.

blog46 normal anxiety chart3

How to work out when it might be time to seek professional help to assess your child's anxiety

So – perhaps things now seem to be getting out of hand and you’re not sure whether it’s getting to the serious stage. How can you know?

Firstly, it’s crucial to notice and make a note of the intensity, duration, and impact the anxiety is having on your child's daily life. The professional you approach is going to want this information anyway, so you may as well subtly start to collect it – dates, times, reason if obvious. It will help you decide what to do, and come in useful later if you call in a therapist.

Let’s look at how escalation might show up in two of the examples from the chart.

1 While it's normal for a child to feel nervous about meeting a new teacher, if this anxiety escalates to the point where your child... 

  • is inconsolably upset, 
  • refuses to go to school for an extended period, or 
  • experiences physical symptoms like headaches or stomach pains... 

... this may indicate a deeper anxiety issue. 

2 Similarly, while some worry about school performance is typical, if your child is consistently...

  • losing sleep, 
  • avoiding school, or 
  • showing significant changes in eating habits due to this worry... 

...these could be signs that the anxiety is more than just a normal developmental phase. 

When anxiety prevents normal functioning, it’s time to assess child anxiety levels in your child

Anxiety is a functional aspect of being human, as I said above. It keeps us safe, ensures our survival and warns of danger.

However, in the examples above, your child’s anxiety is no longer functional but debilitating. It’s interfering with their ability to engage in everyday activities and enjoy life. 

That’s when a timely intervention from a child therapist can stop this in its tracks and help your child regain their zest for normal life.

A qualified child therapist can assess child anxiety levels with professional questionnaires and then provide your child (according to your child's age and preference) with 

  • opportunities to play it out and resolve it, 
  • strategies to manage their anxiety and 
  • help for building resilience and coping skills. 

While I fully believe in the power of parents to help their child with anxiety issues before they get to the serious stage – hence this website’s existence! –  it’s better to err on the side of caution.

If you’ve arrived at the stage of thinking you can’t manage your child’s anxiety issues, then seeking a professional opinion can be reassuring for you and a life-saver for them.

Go with your gut feeling! You know them best. And the expertise to properly assess child anxiety levels is beyond most parents – even after taking note of my tips above.

How to choose a good child therapist

I offer a straight-talking guide on how to choose a therapist for an initial conversation here and again here. Do be careful to only seek qualified help and advice.

Of course, the outcome (after a meeting or trial session) may be that your child doesn't need expert help, and the therapist may simply help you manage it in all kinds of ways.

But before taking your child to see a therapist even for an initial interview, do talk with your child at home about

  • what might happen,
  • what therapy might be like if they attend, and
  • how they will feel so much happier when they’ve got their anxiety monster under control so it can’t spoil their fun!

Go for it?

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