How to Find a Child Counsellor for Anxiety Issues: Top 10 Tips

Is your child reluctant to socialise at after-school clubs? Worrying about parties? Not happy sitting in an over-full restaurant or cinema? That's hardly surprising, considering how we trained them over the last two years. So – the idea of hiring a child counsellor (children's counsellor!) to help with anxiety issues has crept into your thoughts.

That’s because lack of confidence is quite worrying when you notice it in your children.

In addition, the anxiety that follows any loss of confidence can lead to other undesirable – but understandable – behaviours for a while.

For instance, maybe there are now 

  • tears about broken friendships, which your child used to manage, 
  • over-the-top anger about a family visit, or perhaps 
  • a sudden worry that they can't keep up with class work. 

No child is immune to the stresses of these last two years. Usually, you find problems or symptoms resolve themselves with your support, or that of the wider family, a teacher, or another trusted adult. 

But when problems continue over a longer period – as they might with such a huge build-up of frustration and chaos – your child’s distress will start to affect the whole family.

This is when you find yourself wondering about specialist help in the form of a child counsellor or therapist. (The two words are pretty much interchangeable – many other things will differentiate what each offers you.)

Asking for help from a child counsellor is not failure

Parents often think that asking for help from a specialist child counsellor means they’ve somehow failed. The truth is that the ones who notice their child’s unhappiness and take action are the good parents. The others won’t care. 

As counselling for children has become an acceptable activity, more schools have introduced a counselling service. If your child’s school has a counsellor, your child may agree to you making an appointment with their teacher to get them a place on the service. 

You can also ask your GP for a referral to the local CAMHS (child and adolescent mental health service). It’s well known at the moment that services are stretched. So unfortunately, your child may well not meet the threshold for help. (That's why this website exists.) But, in any case, going straight to CAMHS can feel like ripping up the plant instead of coaxing it to grow. Some parents often like to tread more gently until the situation warrants such a move. 

So for some families – and maybe your family – a private children’s counsellor is a good choice. 

How can you safely choose a child counsellor? 

Here are my top 10 tips to help you avoid the more obvious pitfalls.

1 Ask around for recommendations if your child doesn't mind others knowing they're struggling. If they do mind, try Googling “children’s counsellor in [location]” or go to The Counselling Directory and search. Or see below.

2 Check out a child counsellor’s qualifications. Two bodies who represent counsellors are the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy and the UK Council for Psychotherapy. For either, click on Find a Therapist and check the counsellor’s standing. If the therapist has a website, visit it and get a feel for who they are.

3 Ask for a consultation by phone or a free face-to-face one, and expect to be listened to more than talked at. If a prospective child counsellor cannot listen to your concerns and understand them, they'll not readily understand your child. 

4 Make sure the counsellor you’re thinking of has trained in children’s counselling and child development issues, and has experience with a wide range of childhood issues. Ask them! Training solely for adult work is not sufficient when dealing with young lives. 

5 Ask if the counsellor works with trauma. Trauma comes in many forms and often involves incidents in a child’s life that we, as adults, wouldn’t think of as traumatic. For instance, scares, illnesses, bad experiences etc. Suitable training might be labelled Trauma-focused CBT or EMDR.

6 Ask the counsellor how they envisage working with your child. No one will make promises without meeting your child, but they should be able to explain their main ways of working and leave you reassured that they can work flexibly with your child. For instance, younger children need some form of play therapy. Older children will benefit from a mixture of talk and play, with appropriate activities. Adolescents work best with someone who can relate to them on their own terms, in a teen-friendly manner with activities available as needed.

7 Finally, ask the qualified child counsellor to outline your options, including other places you might approach. This will enable you to make an informed choice about counselling.

8 When you think you’ve found someone suitable, take time to think about whether the arrangement will be manageable for you. An hour’s trip to the counsellor, plus an hour there, amounts to a three-hour round trip. How will this affect your other children? Will they need to be taken along, too, and occupied somewhere for an hour? Will they resent it? Will your child mind being left at the therapist's office, knowing you've gone off to have fun with their siblings? 

9 Put the idea of child counselling to your child gradually. Remind them that everyone needs help from time to time when things get tough. Take care when introducing the person you have in mind, however, because many children have a fear of “shrinks” – which is the white-coated stereotype they'll imagine from TV and general banter! The offer of a short taster session may help ease any anxieties about what counselling will feel like.

10 Whatever you do, don’t force your child to comply or to continue attending if they’ve taken a dislike to the counsellor. Any strong-arm tactics, however desperate you feel about getting them some help, will defeat the object of counselling and bring on yet more anxiety. The aim is to empower your child to solve their problems and be resourceful in future.

Ready to access some help?

Having their confidence shaken doesn't mean your child will continue to go downhill. Downhill is a long slope!

Take courage as well as desperate action. You really can catch their issues early on by using techniques from the rest of this website – or go ahead armed with these 10 tips and know that you can safely find a good child counsellor. There are many excellent ones out there.

I can promise you their only joy will be to set your child on an uphill path again.

What's not to like? Your child's thoughts about going to school events, parties and holidays will then regain their magic.

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