How to Address the Vicious Circle of Depression and Anxiety

boy in circle of cogs to illustrate vicious circle of depression and anxiety

It's important parents know when to intervene in the vicious circle of depression and anxiety.

As you know, I wholly recommend parental input for anxiety in its formative stages, but when depression enters the game, things become more serious.

Depression brings to mind “feeling down” – down in such a way that life is a bother. It feels as if there’s something heavy weighing on both brain and body.

Your child might lack interest in anything, get nothing done, and be tearful and lack energy over a period of time.

And yet still seem anxious. This is a puzzle, and may cause you to think you can ignore the depression bit and deal with the anxiety. But I don't recommend that approach.

Let’s look at depression first and then the link between that and anxiety.

Depression in a vicious circle of depression and anxiety

When I see depression in a child, it’s usually external circumstances that have caused the depressive thoughts.

What might these outside circumstances be for a child?

  • having had a house move and not liking their new school
  • a close friend moving away
  • perennial testing in school that takes away all the fun of learning
  • not being able to have outings or attend certain activities due to lack of money in the family
  • finding school subjects incomprehensible and no SEND help available
  • wider family arguments that get worse at holiday time
  • being expected to achieve something they’re not suited for

I could name more — but the feature of each of these is that the child is powerless and has mostly had no say in the events.

That’s why I call it more external than internal.

Anxiety in a vicious circle of depression and anxiety

On the other hand, anxiety comes not from external circumstances but from within (negative thoughts about what might happen).

Anxiety involving depression is therefore mostly because:

  • They still worry about things that simply have to be done, however exhausted your child feels.
  • People expect them to perform as usual — but how can they possibly summon the energy to do so?
  • The future looks bleak because it feels as if nothing will ever change.

So, anxiety is more internal than external. Not always, but often, because it’s based on thinking. And it links to depression in a cyclical way, like this:

Because your child feels powerless in relation to those events, they then worry – and their mood drops even lower. As their mood drops lower, they feel even more powerless to change things.

In this cycle, it’s the depression that needs dealing with first because in the short term it’s the most serious.

Addressing the vicious circle of depression and anxiety

When should you take action if you suspect depression?

If your child has been any of the following things pretty consistently for more than two or three weeks, it’s time to speak to your GP:

  • in a low mood
  • tearful
  • sleepless or sleeping more
  • unable to concentrate
  • defiant
  • negative
  • suddenly falling behind at school

All children, like adults, feel sad occasionally. How else would we recognise joy and hope? But depression is more constant. It affects every part of your child’s life.

The vicious circle of anxiety and depression is treatable

Your GP will probably offer access to CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) before medication, simply because your child’s mind is still developing and some of the antidepressant medicines can affect them in unpredictable ways.

However, children’s therapists are trained to recognise and treat mild- to moderate-level depression, so you may prefer to find your child a good, qualified, experienced child counsellor yourself.

CBT works well, yes, but so do several other varieties of therapy for depression. Have a look round.

And ask the possible counsellor how they imagine helping your child and if they offer a taster session. (I talked about how to assess a qualified child counsellor here.)

And remember –

Do not be afraid to ask your child if they feel so bad they wish they weren’t alive. A “yes” is your prompt to act now.

There is always a solution for younger children that they haven’t thought of because they’re young. We have to think for them.

But with teens, too, never be afraid to ask how bad it is — asking never causes someone to take their life. It actually offers support and help. Along with a measure of relief that the problem is now known and help is available.

Is this a job for parents?

No. You’ll notice, if you often read my articles, that I’m all for parents helping their children before professional help is needed. This is not the best approach with depression.

Even if the signs of depression are accompanied by anxiety in a vicious circle (as the UK stats seem to imply) and you know how to help with anxiety, of course please talk to and support your child with their anxiety. But ask for help as soon as you realise it’s ongoing and they’re depressed as well.

Sometimes the holiday season is when this shows up clearly and triggers within you the thought that your child has been like it for a little while. There’s no shame in asking a professional for support!

I hope this post helps you recognise the special case of anxiety in your child when it’s accompanied by depression, and why you should act sooner rather than later.