Back to School: What Causes the Stress?

unhappy boy but happy girl to illustrate back to school stress

How did you feel going back to school yourself when you were younger? Shivery, anxiety-producing prospect? Or exciting moment keeping you awake the night before?

Back in the day, my brothers and I had wonderful holidays out on our bikes and roller skates, or climbing home-made structures in the garden. No trouble at all being off school!

But, equally, come the morning of the new September term, we could hardly wait to get there. And yes, no parental taxi service. We walked. One mile to juniors, three miles to secondary. The excuse was that giving us bus fare money would have made us lazy!

Going back to school after the summer break is a big change, of course.

Any child might feel a little nervous at the change. Just keeping your child busy and distracted is a good way to tackle that one.

And obviously there can be a few usual causes of anxiety when something is changing about the school day – and for these, some anxiety or nerves is normal:

  • transition to a new school
  • new subject sets with different pupils in them
  • change of year group and teacher
  • new school after moving house
  • start of important exam years

But I'm thinking here of the mass of media concentration on anxiety and depression at going back to school.

So what’s changed for our children? Why are there so many articles in the press and online right now dealing with the stress of going back to school? If you’re to believe what you read, anxiety is apparently overwhelming our children at the thought of a new term.

Back to school stress in 2023

Let’s take a look at five ways of thinking about this.

1 Is it teachers going on strike?

Not so long ago, during the pandemic, children found they fell behind in socializing and learning. 

Although schools have been back for a while now, teacher strikes have caused the same kind of disruption. It's like a re-run of the trauma of school life being disrupted.

But it doesn’t quite explain the high levels of anxiety now. Or the depression pupils are reporting.

2 Is it lack of trust in schools now?

Some research indicates children's relationships with teachers have remained strong. But maybe the shine has gone off schools? The period your child spends at school is, for some, a large proportion of their short life.

And if you don’t have that loving bond with the teacher or your classmates, school is not something to look forward to going back to.

But... high levels of anxiety and depression? I’m not sure. Perhaps school is just no longer the refuge, the exciting place it once was. 

3 Is it fear of a repeat?

Even the youngest children react to bad situations by withdrawing from engagement – it saves the hurt, the trauma, the disappointment etc. Maybe this happened during Covid. 

But current talk is of war, ever higher prices, poverty, even another bad wave of virus and flu combined this coming winter. More disruption and change? 

Withdrawing from even the thought of more disruption leads to anxiety and depression in adults, and even more so with children whose only purpose is to love, live, grow up and become the wonderful adults they’re destined to be.

Perhaps going to school elicits a fear that it will all shut down again. If so, why not cut it off first, your child might think? And if they’re told they have to go back, anxiety and/or depression is a possible response. 

4 Is it the school work itself causing anxiety?

Their learning has been disrupted by school closures. It sounds clever to say "you don’t know what you don’t know" – but the truth is that children are acutely aware of what they haven’t understood, what they’re falling behind at.

This engenders shame and guilt. Guilt if they know they didn’t bother to try very hard with home learning. Shame if they feel they've fallen short of the standards they like to keep to.

This idea is a possible answer to what’s causing high levels of anxiety because year-on-year falling behind is difficult to cope with. But it's still just a possibility.

5 Is it fear of separation rearing its head again?

In a society full of global trouble, economic difficulties, social unrest and strange weather patterns, it might be that leaving your protection and returning to school has caused separation anxiety to rear its ugly head again just like it did when they were tiny.

If your child already had a glimmer of separation anxiety, this could indeed increase it. For others, the general anxiety in society might be affecting them more than we realise.

What can you do about back-to-school stress?

Running through the possibilities is interesting – we always need to consider what might be going on if our child is anxious or distressed – or their mood has changed – but we still need solutions.

So let's look at the LEARN way of responding. If any of it helps you get them back on track, well and good.

If not, you always have the option of taking them out of school if you have the resources and time to help them thrive at home while learning appropriately for their age.

But school's usually a good bet if their friends are there and you have to work.

So how does LEARN look? It's an acronym for

  • learn
  • empathise
  • adopt
  • rehearse
  • notice

Listen

Find a time to cuddle up or sit doing an activity with your child and listen to their view on things. It's always the best first choice to hear what your child says. It may not be what you think! At least, then, you know you're tackling the right problem.

On the other hand, listen between the lines, too!

Empathise

Show you understand what they're feeling – without contradicting. It doesn't mean you agree, but it does show them they've been heard and taken seriously. This always helps.

Adopt

Start with some tactics or strategies to adopt and see what helps them. Don't be worried if one doesn't quite fit. Tell them it's an experiment like scientists do – to find out a good answer or solution for them.

Maybe help them keep a list of what helps and what doesn't. List-making brings the worry outside their heads so it can be looked at objectively.

Rehearse

When you've come up with a strategy that seems to be useful to them, rehearse it with them. It almost certainly involves doing something such as

  • making the school trip a few times before term starts
  • verbalising a different thought 
  • rehearsing a way of calming themselves
  • breathing to restore balance to their body.

These things need practice several times over! 

The final rehearsal should always be stepping into the circle of excellence.

Notice

See how things are going. Notice if the idea of going back to school is becoming less of a daily stress or anxious event and more of something they can accept. And adjust tactics and responses where necessary. 

One adjustment if things aren't improving over time – and the anxiety gets repeated every term – is to discover if there's a counselling service in school. I say "in school" because it will be free. It's also usually integrated into the school ethos and therefore acceptable to pupils.

However, if you need to go privately to get help, read how to do it safely here.

One thing to remember...

As the new term draws horribly close, everyone wants to protect their child from anxiety and depression, stress and discomfort – but it's best to find a way through.

If we let a child pull out, for the most part it proves to them there really was something to worry about!

Whether your child's anxiety is about one of the more usual causes of anxiety I mentioned up top, or for some as yet unknown reason, the LEARN method really works. Give it a go?

You might like these