3 Anxiety-Containing Measures to Use Any Day

anxiety containing

So what’s useful about having a few anxiety-containing measures in your back pocket that are – from your child’s point of view – simply normal things your family talks about or does?

It's for this reason:

We’re trying to stem the flow of “too much anxiety” that your child is picking up from world events, their class mates and possibly the stuff they watch on TikTok and elsewhere!

That means it’s great to have things already in action that mitigate against anxiety getting out of hand.

You’ll have seen how therapy services are stretched at the moment with a landslide of children suffering torment in their heads.

So – let’s look at three things that will help you navigate the shaky landscape we’re all living in right now.

#1 Anxiety-containing measure: the virtual animal friend

You may have read Philip Pullman’s trilogy about the Northern Lights, or seen it on film. His characters have their soul/character exposed in the form of an animal he calls a “daemon”.

The daemon idea gives the child an opportunity to speak out loud (lovely literary device) and also evoke emotion.

But the idea of having an animal guide or friend goes way back. Probably even to shamanic times and everywhere in between.

It’s a wonderful idea.

But here, we’ll use it as a time-worn device for helping your child settle.

Where might your child start to feel anxious and need to “settle” their rising fears?

Whatever the event, you can have put this strategy in your back pocket long before!

From when they can first imagine things as you talk with them, why not help them find their favourite animal?

What are they most drawn to? Maybe you’ve had a favourite book you both love. Is it a rabbit or a little bear cub? A friendly sparrow or what?

This is the animal you’ll encourage them to keep with them in their mind.

You do it playfully. Name it, and help them

  • remember about the animal,
  • what the animal would be doing right now,
  • how it would feel when you’re about to go on a walk or shopping etc.

Then – when anxiety raises its head, you have the ready-made anxiety-containing measure: think about their animal with them.

Example

Let’s look at bedtime. If your child is finding it hard to settle:

Imagine their animal nestling against each limb joint in turn – knee, toe, shoulder, elbow etc. Or if it’s a bird, alighting delicately on it. 

Don’t frighten it off, imagine it as it moves round, lie quietly as you feel it settle in the new place. Feel glad it's your friend. Say you're pleased it's there with you! Relax in its companionship.

Sleep follows!

[Clearly, you do NOT use this tactic with a child who has ever been sexually abused.]

#2 Anxiety-containing measure: the drawing “change” game

You should maybe always save sheets of paper when you have primary school children in the house! For instance, backs of those address sheets they stick in plastic envelopes, back of unwanted printouts etc.

Anyway, the point is your child will get used to being able to grab a sheet and draw or colour or pattern any time they want. (Those are good ploys for calming down at any time!)

But you can start, from age 5, say, getting them to draw what worries them – when you notice something.

It doesn’t have to be a literal image of it. You can suggest using just shapes and lines that show what it feels like, for instance.

(I mean, if I drew my dislike of seeing a one-inch spider with hydraulic legs half way up the wall, sharp lines and dashes would perfectly show my anxiety.)

So whatever they draw is fine.

  • You then talk about what they drew.
  • Ask them to tell you about it, about what they drew. "I notice all this red lines...?" Whatever they say is fine here too.
  • Don’t challenge what they say, but do let them talk around it as you asking subtle questions to elicit more from them.
  • When that seems done, ask them to draw what it feels like now.
  • See if anything changed and talk about that in the same way (you don't have to mention change): "Oh, I see all those yellow stars on the ground." 

The only leading you’re doing is asking questions or making comments that allow for more info to come out – see here for more on non-judgmental listening if you’re not sure.

The anxiety-containing measure here is to allow feelings to come out in the open and be put into words in some way. When that happens you often find the feeling and anxious emotion changes subtly too. That’s why the image changes. Behaviour follows later.

You don’t have to “do” anything with the changed image (although with an older child who seems engaged you might run that “talk-new image” idea one more time), but… the effect will have taken place and reduced or altered the anxiety in some way.

However, if your child has been particularly upset or anxious about something as they draw and talk, maybe make a bridge back to normal daily stuff by drawing together an image of something they like doing or are going to do soon. Have fun.

#3 Anxiety-containing measure: the hungry “thought monster”

Here’s an idea that's larger than life in more ways than one!

Have your child draw a monster on a largish sheet of paper and pin it up somewhere you can all see – but maybe where visitors can’t. It's none of their business!

The monster must have a whole body so you can see its tummy!

This is The Thought Monster. And it feeds on anyone’s anxious thoughts or behaviours.

You need to refuse to give it food!

The whole family can take part in this on an ongoing basis. In other words, on any day.

Example

If you yourself catch an anxious thought, say: “Heck, I was getting too worried there. I’ve given the Thought Monster a snack. Bother.”

If there’s enough space round the monster, you could have a pencil ready to mark a larger belly. Then, if you can change the thought to a better one (let your child know), get them to help you erase the pencil mark! "We snatched his snack away!"

Now, the real purpose is to help your child grow up recognising over-anxious thoughts and behaviours and stop them from feeding the Thought Monster.

Why?

Because the Thought Monster can get very big and start bullying you all. You have to catch all the over-anxious snacks heading his way - a routine in your family that will help everyone avoid over-anxiety!

Finding better thoughts to eliminate too much anxiety is always good.

And the reason why you take part as well? Because otherwise it becomes too like school (ie a teaching situation). You never want home to replicate school!

Will these anxiety-containing ideas work for your child?

As ever, you’re the judge. One may resonate. If so, great, use it.

Or one may seem either too silly or too old for your child. I'm simply giving you ideas that have helped other families – to help you find a way through with yours! But you’re the experts in your family.

I think we’re all agreed, though, that we don’t want any child to get so over-anxious that they have to join the stream of children needing professional therapeutic help.

For one thing, waiting times are too long, and we have tools we can use now.

Give it a go?

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