Is your Sensitive Child Likely to be Anxious?

blog33 sensitive child

This is a perfectly reasonable question about a sensitive child you're caring for.

Let’s therefore think about all highly sensitive children and any possible links to anxiety-proneness – while acknowledging that any combination of these points might be relevant or not to your specific child!

Possible features of a sensitive child

What do we mean by "sensitive child"? It's obviously too encompassing to be totally useful, but I think we can agree on some facets:

  • Heightened emotional responses to various stimuli, such as loud noises, bright lights, or strong smells.
  • Deep empathy and sensitivity towards others' emotions.
  • Tendency to be easily overwhelmed by new or unfamiliar situations.
  • Preference for routine and predictability.
  • Strong awareness of subtleties in their environment, such as changes in tone of voice or body language.
  • Wanting to be alone or creative or quiet or thoughtful when others just rush on to the next moment.

I’ve obviously missed out lots of variations, but these will do for now. 

So let’s see if there are any links between some of those characteristics and the likelihood of becoming anxious more than another child might in the same circumstances.

Possible links between sensitivity and anxiety

Here are a few ideas – they may well spark your own more nuanced ones that resonate with you about your own sensitive child who appears overly anxious at times.

1 Heightened emotional reactivity can lead your child to feeling upset or (a lovely word) discombobulated – because the rapid or sudden changes of stimuli in the environment are unsettling and they’re aware of it more.

2 A heightened empathy to others’ feelings and emotions can lead your child to overthinking a situation from their or your or someone else’s point of view – which in itself offers too many choices and is confusing. Seeing these possibilities also leads to worrying about potential negative outcomes or social interactions about to happen, which can be scary.

3 Sensitive children may struggle with managing any stress, and unfortunately they also tend to internalise their emotions (“It must be me that’s not doing something right”). This can increase the chance of their anxiety levels rising. If you feel you’re not coping, or at fault, your anxiety levels rise.

4 Their strong empathic ability may cause them to jump in too readily to any situation and feel deeply upset by other poeple’s stress or distress. If you feel like it’s your distress, this contributes to your own anxiety because you feel you have to do something about it. It’s hard to take a step back and start to think straight.

5 Sensitive children may feel when change is in the air. If they find change hard to deal with, the uncertainty can lead to what we call anticipatory anxiety. We’ve all found it hard to say to ourselves at times, “It hasn’t happened yet; we’ll deal with it when it happens” in order to control our own anxiety!

6 Sensitive children may have a lower threshold for perceiving threats, leading to heightened vigilance and anxiety responses. This can raise cortisol levels and prevent their thinking brain working so well. When that happens, you can’t solve the anxiety!

Tips for supporting a sensitive child with anxiety

None of us would want to say things like “toughen up!” or “just get on with it!” or even “stop being so silly!” – but living with a highly sensitive child can at times feel like you have an over-sensitive child! And words have a habit of popping out unbidden!

So how can we best help avoid a situation when we resent a child for being sensitive because we know full well they need to be able to cope with life’s anxious moments?

Here are a few ideas to consider – but as ever, you know your child best, so take them with a pinch of salt if they don’t apply.

1 Validate your child’s feelings and emotions and reassure them it’s okay to feel anxious – offer comfort and understanding, without going as far as accidentally prolonging the anxiety.

2 When you have an ultra-sensitive child, create a safe and predictable environment on most days that minimizes potential triggers and provides a sense of stability. The other days can then be taken one at a time when “things” happen that have to happen. You can help your child learn to deal with those and gradually increase their resilience without undermining their nature.

3 To help your child deal with the difficult events, teach them – and practice  with them – relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing exercises or mindfulness, to help them manage their anxiety symptoms. This applies to all children, of course!

4 Encourage open communication and provide opportunities for your sensitive child to express their emotions and concerns. Listening carefully to them validates them as unique people and helps give them a sense of being OK for when outside events make them feel not OK.

5 Gradually expose your sensitive child to new experiences or situations, using a step-by-step approach to build their confidence and resilience.

6 Remind them of their specific strengths – all sensitive children have strengths, just as non-neurotypical children have their own unique strengths.

So what’s the verdict? Is your sensitive child likely to become anxious?

Possibly.

Maybe just a tiny bit more so than a less highly sensitive child. That's simply because of the kind of world we live in that expects brash conformity and a sharp division between what it deems OK and what it doesn't.

But remember, every child is unique, and while sensitivity may increase the likelihood of anxiety, it’s not a definitive predictor. 

The good news is...

You can usually support your sensitive child at home. You know them best and you can work out how to guide them through life’s bothers.

But if you suspect your child is experiencing more anxiety than you can manage, or that's good for them, this might be the time to consult a qualified child therapist for a proper assessment and guidance. 

Otherwise scavenge among all the ideas on this website to find ones that suit your child and be proud of nurturing their sensitivity as they grow up. Give it a go?

A book to help...

sensitive boys Thierry

Although this book is written about boys because in general they've found life harder than girls when they’re sensitive, Betsy de Thierry has lots of helpful information about nurturing your child and avoiding trauma: The Simple Guide to Sensitive Boys (JKP, 2018).

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