How Does Play Help Anxiety: Which Sort of Play and Why?

blog54 play help anxiety

When I visit a restaurant these days, I frequently see younger children up to around 12 years old bent over their devices while they wait for their food to be brought to the table. As soon as they’ve eaten, they’re back to their device. Does this play help anxiety about eating out?? I doubt it. Except to keep us off their backs for misbehaviour!

Devices are a great way to keep children from annoying other restaurant users during lengthy waits. A game or two of "fish and chips" or I-Spy isn’t long enough to fill the delay!

But this is not the kind of play that helps with a child’s anxiety – though it certainly helps with ours if we fear a scene about to happen!

So let’s distinguish between kinds of play – and which ones will help your child deal with anxiety about an issue they’re facing or constantly on guard against.

Types of play that children engage in “freely chosen and organised by themselves”

1 Playground play

The first one that springs to mind is the playground type. A group of children organising themselves to have fun for twenty minutes between lessons. There’s exuberance and free running around, shouting and letting off steam. This is wonderful for relaxation – but probably doesn’t lessen an individual child’s anxiety about a topic they're not sharing with their friends.

Stands to reason. If your child's worried about going to sleep at night or feeling not as important as a new brother or sister, playground play won’t ameliorate this. It’s forgotten for a while, yes, and that’s good. But the anxiety remains there, in the background. 

One overriding benefit of fresh air and outdoor play is that physical activity can reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety (among other benefits, according to the WHO). But not necessarily the cause.

2 Play on a device

Let’s not distinguish here between  trendy devices and  “not so cool” ones – though I realise children are indeed anxious about having the "wrong" device if their friends see it!

Either way, in a restaurant or at home, your child will spend hours playing a digital game and love it. Nothing to worry about there – unless you feel they’re spending too many hours on a screen.

But this is more of a distraction than a solution if they have underlying fears and anxieties. They may be deriving social engagement of a kind, according to what they’re playing – although with caveats. And if it’s not social or multiplayer, it may be relaxing or challenging or occupy their thoughts for a while.

3 Play with an adult taking part

Wonderful. This has multiple benefits as they crave your attention and will do anything you want to keep your presence and interest. But you may well be the one providing the entertainment, as we do when there are hours of time to pass. For example, you’ll maybe have suggested a game or joined in some imaginative play and made suggestions for the plot.

Again this classifies as “freely chosen” play and may end up somewhat organised by themselves as you obviously do a bit of give-and-take during the play. However, this may not solve an anxiety issue because some of their "agency" has been taken away. So they will not be subconsciously working things out.

4 Therapeutic play and play alone

Whether this is with a therapist who knows what they’re doing or with you who takes a quiet, watching, wise parental back seat, or only follows your child’s directions if they ask, this kind of play is likely to allow your child to work through anxieties.

Can play help anxiety? Yes, when done like this.

That’s because they're directing it themselves and you're not making suggestions or guiding. You can read more about this kind of play here. And useful toys to have available here.

Play helps anxiety if it’s the right kind of play

Of course, your child needs healthy outdoor and indoor free-play activity, lots of chances to invent and improvise with or without other children, and to have an interested adult give the activity some value when they’re around. 

That's because together these things build:

  • resilience,
  • experience of flexibility, control, and problem-solving, and
  • freedom from adult interference so they learn about risk and consequences.

However, the only type of play you can claim as therapeutic – whether offered by a therapist, caregiver or you as parent – is the one where your child decides

  • what to play,
  • how to play and
  • makes the decisions.

This is because they're unconsciously working out whatever is bothering them.

They can’t help it! It’s instinctive to play out issues with toys. Toys provide a replication of a real world scenario that is child-sized, manageable, and where the consequences can be seen, reversed, or accepted as good – without damage to anything in real life.

It's hugely beneficial to facilitate play like this if you have a child who's anxious.

Encourage all play. But you can try giving them half an hour at home at a regular time and provide the means for them to play therapeutically – letting them direct it themselves, with only doing anything at all if they ask you. Otherwise, just be a friendly interested presence and watch them sort things out themselves. Give it a go?